


The Night that Holden Returns to Virginia

by Classical_Trash



Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Bible Quotes, Character Study, Every writer for this fandom is so talented, Holden deserves better, I'm below them all, I'm kind of scared, Only two, Panic Attacks, maybe? - Freeform, they're all great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 11:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21207851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classical_Trash/pseuds/Classical_Trash
Summary: A little retrospect on the conversation that Bill and Holden had in Atlanta, and Holden panics.





	The Night that Holden Returns to Virginia

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my, what should I say here? Mindhunter is such a fascinating show, with spectacular execution. I've been craving to write something for the show... Anyways, I hope you all enjoy :)

_I am very near to falling; my pain is with me always._

In an apartment somewhere in a more crowded area of Virginia, Holden Ford stumbles in front of the television, dropping his suitcase and laying down on the sofa that hasn’t been used in weeks. 

Tired seeps into his skin, into the muscles that have been tense for the longest time. Holden has gotten so acquainted with hotel rooms; his apartment has become so foreign. Things that he has bought to liven up his living space, the little knick-knacks on his coffee table hold no memories in his mind. Questions like, “Did I always have this?” or “When did I get this?” filled his head, but he ignores them for now. 

Bill’s words rattle in his head, making Holden feel miserable.

_“Show some fucking professionalism.” _Holden didn’t mean to offend, he rarely does. If he had known that Bill was going through those things, maybe things would have been different. Right?

Holden doesn’t know. He was never one to have great social skills, Holden can admit to that. But Bill was the closest thing that Holden has to a friend right now. But the words that Bill had spat made Holden freak. A feeling of self-consciousness Holden hadn’t had before until Debbie started hanging out with her classmate has now grown out of control, and Bill’s anger did not help with it. Holden can’t blame him though.

Is he that much of a liability to everyone? Is he that much of a ticking-bomb that was ready to explode and ruin their whole operation?

Holden feels his chest tighten, and his throat clenches. He takes a deep breath, but that starts the dry heaves, and he can’t breathe anymore. Holden’s eyes water up. _“You look anxious, take a fucking valium.” _He can’t though, Holden ran out of it a few weeks ago. He should’ve asked for more, he should’ve not used it as much, he should have not had so many of his fits.

He should have not been so pathetic.

Holden’s raging breath turns into sobs and he puts his knees closer to his face. Letting his pants be wettened with tears.

In an apartment somewhere in the more crowded area of Virginia, Holden Ford sobs in front of the television, on a sofa that hasn’t been used in weeks.

_I acknowledge my guilt and grieve over my sin. _

**Author's Note:**

> The first and last lines are both from section Psalms in the bible. I'm not religious, but that section has always intrigued me. I might write more, I don't know...Let me know what you all think!
> 
> Kudos's and Comments are always welcomed :)


End file.
